Before You YOLO, Perfect(ish) Your SOLO; Part 1 #selfcare

You know how airplane safety videos tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others- even children- secure theirs? Or how about the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” or “you can’t truly love another until you fully love yourself”?

What does it all MEAN, Basil?

Basically, you have to lookout for Number 1, first & foremost.

Let’s break down #selfcare for a hot second.

What exactly is self-care? Self-care is allowing yourself the time and space to ensure YOU’RE GOOD on a regular basis.

You good, bruh?

Is your mind right? Is your body right? Is your health right? Is your self-esteem right? If it ain’t right you better get it right so you can act right. You know that’s right. Amiright?

Whatever it is that you need to do (or not do) to ‘fill your cup’ so that you can show up for yourself & others… do that.

SELF-CARE DOES NOT EQUATE TO BEING SELFISH!

Oh no, quite the contrary.  Self-care is taking the best possible care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally so that you can be your truest BEST self.  Because only then will you be capable of helping your sister who’s experiencing a bout of anxiety, or your girl who is going through a rough breakup, or yourself as you simply live life in a harsh fu**ing world.

You feel me?

Here, let me give you a glimpse of what self-care looks like for me. And by glimpse, I mean a full fledged all exclusive look because let’s be real, I like to elaborate.

The most important part of my self-care routine is GETTING SWEATY just about everyday. Depending on my mood, and the weather, that could mean hitting the gym & lifting weights (complete with booty pops & twerks between sets because dancing is life), going for a run, flowing through hot yoga or taking a class at some boutique fitness studio.

Because for some reason, I really enjoy torturing my body by means of physical activity. But like seriously, can you fancy spin studios PLEASE for the love of my crotch provide those padded seat attachments for us weaklings with mere human pelvic areas that are not made of steel!? Forreal man, IDK how everyone else does it… and SO enthusiastically! Especially you men! Someone please enlighten me. What is the secret to avoiding a severely bruised nether region after 45 minutes of tap-backs and saddle sprints?! But I digress…

Self-care is waking up early on a sunny Autumn Saturday- sans a massive hangover- to catch your fave yoga class, followed by a leisurely Trader Joe’s run (actually more of a Yog, with a soft “j”) sipping (several) free coffee samples from those tiny cups while cruising each aisle & checking out all the seasonal (pumpkin) items, in no hurry at all…

(Also checking out the physically fit men who are sporting their very best athleisure… they too must be coming from some sort of physical endeavor, WOW, that’s hot. Oooo mister-gray-Adidas-sweats is making eyes at me… Wait, is he checking out my? Oh, just kidding, he’s looking behind me at the organic craft beer, damnit.)

Yea I’m talking about YOU, Clarendon Trader Joe’s <3

After that birds-singing, wind-blowing-through-the-trees start to your morning, you head back to your one bedroom- with the best DC city skyline view- and its only noon! Vanilla cupcake scented candle making you feel some type of way. Cuddling up in your sweater blanket, Netflixing or reading BuzzFeed articles with titles like “How to become your best self” or “5 natural ways to get rid of dark under-eye circles” between cooking & baking up healthy dankness.

Drawing yourself a gold glitter bath (secret Santa bath bombs FTW) albeit rather uncomfortable since you have to either sit upright or bend your legs to be able to fit in that small ass tub… with your fire “Chill Out” Spotify playlist totally soothing your soul. All the while wearing a serene, blissful half-smile because you’re killing the (self-care) game.

… My bad, got a little carried away there. I just really love self-care.

Self-care is simply doing the things that feed your soul (and often times your belly, if you’re like me) so that you can be a more pleasant, kind and generous human being.

Self-care is going to therapy to increase your emotional intelligence and self-awareness, which will help you in every aspect of your life, IMMENSELY.

Self-care is laughing at yourself when things don’t go as planned (they never do) and making light of situations that truly are not that serious (I spilled my entire coffee on my person again, HAHA so funny).

Self-care is unreservedly rapping along to gangster rap on your commute to work, at 7 am, windows down, sun shining, wearing a suit and looking professional AF while reciting…

“Y'all think I'mma let my dough freeze?

HOE PLEASE.
You better bow down on both knees.

Who you think taught you to smoke trees?
Who you think brought you the oldies? 

Self-care is telling your husband to watch the kids while you take an uninterrupted shower without tiny hands clawing underneath the bathroom door, vying for all your energy and attention. (Obvs I am not a mother, but this is a common happening I hear about from all my mom-friends; YOU ladies are the real MVPs, seriously, fucking badass super heroes! MOMS ARE THE BEST)

Self-care is getting that Korean facial & massage once a month because, well, JUST BECAUSE!

Take the time to make sure you feel good so that you can spread those feel-good vibes to the people around you, who’ll then spread the vibes to the people around them, so on and so forth. Pay it forward, if you will.   

I’d like to emphasize that SAYING NO to people & social commitments is a fantastic form of self-care. I stopped agreeing to every social obligation and hangout some time ago. I was feeling super drained from over-extending myself for people who didn’t really make me feel good or positive. So I started graciously backing away from such social situations as a means of taking care of myself…

I’m not saying you should turn down fun things that you want to do. But the things that are not a “fuck yes that sounds fun!” should go on your “maybe, I’ll let you know!” list, for your own sake and sanity.

I quickly realized that I am one of those people who needs me-time just as much as (oftentimes more than) me-plus-other-humans time to feel my best. I stopped saying, “yea fuh-sho” and started saying, “maybe I’ll let you know.” And guess what? It was one of the best and easiest habits I’ve ever instituted in my life.

Now, this may not go off without a hitch. There will most likely be an adjustment period for your friends, and a little (or a lottle) pushback. But stand your ground. Set those boundaries, just do it in a tactful and kind manner.

For example, I’ve been given shit for years from many of my friends regarding my self-care rituals. Like I explained above, a huge part of me taking care of me is exercising regularly. As you can imagine, in our peer-pressure driven society, turning down happy hours for a good ole fashioned workout scored me a decent amount of shit giving.

“Oh cool, have fun at the gym while we get shwasted. LLLLAAAYYYYME”  

… and other iterations of the same general message. And yea, in the beginning those comments got to me, of course they did. But I knew that I was better off, so I kept on trucking. I was focused on taking care of and bettering myself and most importantly I was staying true to my Knee-loo.

After a good amount of time, I was truly OK with these comments until miraculously, the comments started tapering off slowly, before they (GASP!) disappeared completely.

True story.

Throughout the process of staying true to & unleashing my actual self, I’ve weeded out those “friends” who weren’t actually my friends. Which also helped with cutting down commitments, which allowed me more time & mental space to continue discovering my amazing-ness, which helped grow me mentally/physically/emotionally, which helped me realize who my true friends are…

I’m trying to get you to see that it’s a cyclical thing, all parts naturally intertwined and connected, constantly working together to continuously propel you forward little by little, growing you into your best self. 

JUST (the) TIPS:

If your friends/family/the people you surround yourself with make you feel anything other than supported and loved for exactly who you are, then you should consider finding a new crew.  #yesnewfriends #yesyesnew

If you feel negative, like you are not good enough or BEING JUDGED or made fun of for trying to better yourself, or like you’ve had your spirit & energy sucked from you after hanging with said people… you should probably spend less time (or no time, if possible) with them…

YOU’RE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE PEOPLE YOU SURROUND YOURSELF WITH.

Let that sink in for a minute.

If you want to be great, surround yourself with other great, like-minded humans. If you want to be better than great, find people who inspire you to strive for your greatest- and truest- potential, while cheering you on along the way.

Dump the people, attitudes & mindsets that are holding you back from growth.

A lot of the time, that means leaving behind a part of YOU that’s holding you back, like those negative thoughts of not being good enough. Negative mindsets that whisper the same old stories in your ear “you can’t do that; that’s too big a dream for you; you’re not strong enough to do that; you’re not skilled enough to do that.” It means leaving behind your low self-worth that allows negative people who take advantage of you back into your life time and time again.

ENOUGH! STOP THOSE PATTERNS, YO!

I know what you might be thinking: “what if some of those people whose energy and attitudes are negatively affecting me are family members?” 

Well, I am a V family oriented person, so I wouldn’t suggest cutting those people out completely (unless it’s a more extreme/harmful situation).

What I do suggest is keeping those people at arm’s length. Redefine boundaries and change how you deal with the family members who deter you from your growth trajectory. Most times, they don’t wish to bring you pain or distress, but they do. And because you cannot change how another person acts or reacts to you, YOU must change how YOU act and react to them.

It will probably suck. It may feel icky & crappy & make you sad, but if that’s the only way to keep you from being dragged down and feeling crappy about yourself, then you must do it. If all you’re doing is striving to be your best self, to be better and do better, then hopefully they’ll take note and follow suit so that your relationship can one day be mended. And if they don’t, that’s got to be OK too.  

Moral of the story?

If you’re always striving to become a better friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/ child/ parent/sister/brother…

Then you’re doing it right. KEEP DOING YOU, BOO. ALWAYS.